Stop Trying

(Disclaimer: I am not perfect. I do not claim to be holy. I am not a Christian because I am perfect and holy. People probably look at my social media and think I'm crazy. But my relationship with Christ is as strong as it is today due to the fact that I am the opposite of the perfect person and make plenty of mistakes in life and I'm sure people who know me know that, lol. Every day I am trying to be better. I am not trying to "preach" at anyone and everything that I post on here related to my faith are personal experiences that have affected me and I just want to share!)

This is something that changed my perspective on some stuff a couple of years ago and I feel like sharing it with you guys because it revolved around a bible verse and the chapter was discussed at a prayer meeting this past weekend. They didn't talk about the verse specifically and went in a different direction than how the verse affected me, but it did bring up a lot of memories and I wanted to share my story because who knows, maybe one of y'all can relate? 🤷

In high school, I was not a "cool kid" (Or at least thinking about it now, I don't think I was cool). My high school was incredibly cliquey and I didn't really fit in with really any group. I did band, but I didn't fit in with the band kids, I took a few AP classes but didn't really fit in with the smart kids. I didn't fit in with the popular kids. I didn't fit in with gamers because I couldn't care less about video games (still don't care unless it's Just Dance lol). I got along with everyone, I just wasn't actual friends with them. Does that make sense? I just talked to the people in my classes during school and that was it. I honestly only had two true friends that I actually hung out with all throughout high school and I'm still really good friends with them to this day (I live with one of them currently). But throughout high school I did try to look "cute" (using the term loosely because I think I looked a hot mess). I started wearing makeup and I actually tried. Tried to wake up in the morning to do my hair. Tried to wear trendy clothes. I just tried. I tried to get people to like me. I tried to fit in with these people. But I just couldn't.

Then I started college. I already had my mind set on what I thought about my university years before even starting. It is in the same town as my high school and I was convinced it was going to be a bigger version of high school minus the parents and it wasn't going to be fun. But as it got closer to actually starting, I also thought to myself, "ya know sarah, you're wrong about a lot of things. It's probably gonna be completely different from high school because there's going to be different types of people. You're gonna make tons of friends and you're gonna find your people and it's gonna be great. It's gonna be like a new family!!"

You know when you make a bunch of assumptions and you just hope and pray you're wrong? Well, it turned out that my original thoughts were exactly correct. It was basically high school!! Freshman year was an eye opener for me. There were girls out there who literally did not want to talk to me because I wasn't in a sorority. There were guys who didn't talk to me because I didn't look like every other girl on campus. My suitemate hated me for some unknown reason even though I never talked to her. The fact that I was a minority really hit me in college. I spent most of my nights in my dorm doing nothing because I had no one to hang out with. I was absolutely shocked by the fact it was just like my high school... except worse. But I did what I had to do. So I still put on makeup and tried to look good. No one dresses up to class (which is actually a huge blessing), so I didn't have to worry about outfits but you know, I tried to look presentable and look and act like everyone else and thought maybe then people would like me and I could make friends. (News flash: it didn't work)

Then one day (actually took longer than a day if I'm being honest), I kind of had an epiphany. What was I trying to prove to people? That I have my life together and my hair is perfect and my face is naturally beautiful (which btw are total LIES)? Like what is that going to do? If people can't accept my true authentic self, then what was the point? Life is short. If I waste time trying to make people who don't give a sh*t about me like me, then who ends up being miserable in the end? ME.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

This verse has been stuck on my bedroom door since I was 13 years old and I didn't properly apply it to my life until my second year of college. I know the verse is talking about a woman, but it's easily applicable to guys as well. Why try to impress people when God doesn't care whatsoever how I look? Why am I trying to act a certain way to get my peers to like me? That just makes me fake. And you can be as pretty and well put-together as possible, but if you have an ugly personality and aren't nice to people, God isn't going to be impressed either. And He certainly does not care about the number of friends you have or the number of guys you dated. So I decided to stop trying. I stopped wearing makeup to class. I wore what I felt like wearing. And I was just going to keep it real and be nice to everyone I was interacted with, help people who needed help, and just accepted the fact that not everyone was going to like me. And I have made a few friends along the way since then. Don't get me wrong though. I am definitely not the nicest person in the world, lol (Just ask my friends on snapchat🙈). And I still LOVE putting on makeup and dressing up and there's nothing wrong with it. But I like doing it because I want to, not because I want to impress anyone. Life is a little less stressful knowing that people in this life don't matter and God is the only person worth impressing because He is the only one who will be with us every step of life up to the very end. I really hope my story helps one of you guys out. I know we all feel the need at times to fit in and feel wanted by others. I am still struggling with a lot of other things in my life, but not having to worry about what people think and say about me has set my mind at ease a little bit and I hope it sets yours too.

sorry for the novel.

Check out my last post: Fall Favorites 2017

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