Thoughts on the Wedding Industry (and planning a wedding)
As you might have read in a previous blog post, I'm getting married! I've been getting questions about our plans, so I thought it might be interesting to share my thoughts on the wedding industry as a whole and what we are doing in regards to planning our own wedding.
When I was younger and basically until after I graduated from college, I wanted a big fat Indian wedding. Or at least the Malayalee Christian version of what that would be, lol. Inviting 500+ people, hosting multiple parties, wearing the fanciest clothes, the whole thing.
Then I'm not exactly sure what happened. I think with the rise of TikTok, the COVID-19 pandemic, the influx of weddings, I realized how naturally anxious of person I am and how anxious and stressed weddings made me, especially when it came to the money and planning side of things. And the pandemic did not help with the anxiety at all. I've been a bridesmaid 4 times (2 times pre-covid, 2 times post-covid), I've attended 6 bachelorette trips, and in the last 2 years I've attended 8 weddings. Plus I have more to attend this year that are not my own. And just scrolling on social media, I've probably seen about 50 weddings that are all basically the same kind of party being thrown over and over again. It's a lot.
Now I'm not saying there's anything necessarily wrong with these celebrations. Weddings are actually pretty fun. I love celebrating love. It is fun to see performances & dances at a wedding. It is fun getting dressed up. It is fun having all your family and friends in one place. It's fun catching up with people you haven't seen in a while. And there's really only a certain number of ways you can throw a wedding that includes everyone you have to invite. Especially in the Indian culture where it is super common to invite literally everyone you might have had an encounter with to your wedding.
But did you know how expensive it is to throw a wedding in the US? I knew being Indian and having more people to invite would be more expensive than most American weddings, but my jaw was on the floor when I realized to have my version of a "perfect" wedding, it would be at least $100k. And that's on the conservative side. With the number of guests we'd have to invite, we'd probably be over $150k. I really don't care if our parents have this money saved somewhere, but that's absolutely not worth it to me.
So why not get married in India? A question I have been asked a lot by family members. My parents and I had talked about getting married in India since we have a lot of family there, but then we'd have to factor in travel costs and plan it all from here. Plus not many of my friends would be able to attend since they are all here in the states. Weddings in India are not the same as weddings in the US and it's not even comparable to a destination wedding (in my opinion). And as someone who has to be involved in planning and has to see things in person, there was absolutely no way I would be able to trust someone else across the world to do the planning for me, nor could I make multiple trips to India between now and the wedding date. I just knew whatever vision I had for my "perfect" wedding, it would not happen in India.
So would it be worth the stress? Would it be worth spending all that money? Would it be worth the stress my family and I would have to go through? Would I actually enjoy my wedding day if I also did all this?
These were questions I started asking myself. Because even as a guest, I was stressed out for all the weddings I attended. And I wasn't even the bride! I could not even imagine the stress level I would be at as a bride, especially when I am already a naturally stressed and anxious person. So even before I met my fiancรฉ, I knew a traditional wedding wasn't in the cards for me. I wanted to elope. Whether at the courthouse, Vegas, in the mountains, wherever. I wanted the pretty dress and pictures, but I did not want me or anyone in my family spending what could be multiple down payments for a house on a wedding that would probably end up being like all the other weddings that I attended, and one that I would probably not enjoy. Absolutely not.
I think people thought I was kidding. But I wasn't. Unless I was gifted with $250k and was able to get the best wedding planner of all time who would do everything for me to a point where all I had to do was say "yes that looks good, go with that", pick out a dress, and show up on my wedding day, there was no way. And the fun part of being a bride is that, if you say no to something, there's really nothing that can be done because you can't have a wedding without the bride.
This is was something I told Thomas prior to even us talking about getting married. Both of us had somewhat of a similar view on this topic. He has a much bigger family than mine, so he knew throwing a wedding for hundreds of people would be a miserable and expensive experience.
So over dinner one night, Thomas brought up the idea of having a destination wedding. Not a wedding in India lol, but an actual destination wedding in Europe. He had studied in Italy for a year, so he was familiar with the country and the culture. And he said he could take over planning since he knew people there. Instead of having over 400 people at our wedding, we could cap it at 150 and just have our close family and friends there. 150 people sounds like a lot, but TRUST ME lol it's a tiny number, especially for an Indian wedding. I could still get my pretty pictures, wear the pretty dress, and still try to make everyone happy by at least having an actual wedding. And even though we're not there in person to plan out and see every detail, Italy is a popular country for destination weddings and based on what we've heard so far from the wedding planner, it should be less stressful to plan.
We traveled to Italy back in September to look at venues. While we did not lock in anything while we were there, we did learn a lot and had a better idea of what our needs our when it comes to having a wedding in Italy.
Reception Venue - has to accommodate around 150 people. As stated earlier, that is on the larger side when it comes to destination weddings. Reception venue has to be close to the church and hotel.
Transportation - We need a van/bus service to transport guests from the hotel, to the church, to the reception venue, then back to the hotel. Or from the church to the reception venue and then back to the hotel.
TikTok: @sarahtabraham
hi
ReplyDeleteYour article brilliantly articulates the myriad challenges couples face when navigating the wedding industry. Having recently embarked on my own journey towards marriage, I've been astounded by the exorbitant costs and seemingly endless options presented by vendors and venues alike. Thank you for sharing your insights and sparking a much-needed conversation about wedding planning. Your words have inspired us to approach our own wedding with intentionality and authenticity, as we continue our search for Wedding Venues Houston TX, that resonate with our story. Here's to celebrating love in its purest form, surrounded by the people and places that matter most.
ReplyDeleteSo why are YOU PERSONALLY cause unrest for others. It only takes one trouble makes with a blind eye! Every culture celebrates there day, so back off when we CANADIANS have loved it for centuries till the invasion of different cultures what us to stop…..
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