13 Things You Might Be Doing but Need to Stop Doing RIGHT NOW

DISCLAIMER: I know I sound "preachy" but I promise this post is a letter to myself just as much as everyone else.

Have you ever just thought about the small, yet ~~shitty~~ awful things some people do and just wonder... why?!

Same.

I have been on the receiving end of this, and I just wonder literally all the time, why are people the way they are? And I'm not talking about the serious bad things, like stealing, cheating, assault, etc. I'm talking about those small minor incidences that we might not even think will hurt or offend someone. Things we might not intentionally do. I think some people are just used to being liked all the time or being the most popular person in the room, and are so out of touch with reality, that they unintentionally do these things. I have never that person, so I cannot relate in any way shape or form whatsoever, lol. But that being said, I am not painting myself as an angel here, because I have done most of these things as well.

1. Not inviting someone to a social gathering or event.
LOL I have been on the receiving end of this so many times, I can't even keep count. Most of the time, the reason is, "Sarah, you live far away so I figured you wouldn't come!" 😒And I have even seen my friends doing this to other people and it also bothers me because this is one easy way to start unnecessary drama and tension. "Well I assumed they weren't going to come anyways," but how do we know for sure?? Most people like to at least be thought of and invited, whether or not they can attend the event. I definitely do, even if I can't come. There are exceptions to this obviously, but if you are ever in a situation and are wondering whether or not to invite someone, just go ahead and invite them. The worst thing that can happen is that they can say no. And if they show up and it is not a pleasant situation, there are really worse things out there.

"Kim, there's people that are dying." gif with Kourtney Kardashian

2. Inviting someone and then not following up.
I honestly don't know which is worse. Inviting someone with the intention of them not showing up or not inviting them at all? What do you guys think? I know sometimes we invite someone to an event and then forget to follow up or give details. But it also looks like you never cared if they came, whether or not they showed up. This has happened to me before, but I have seen this happen numerous times with my friends and have seen both parties' perspectives (it sucks being in the middle btw!!!). One example: Friend 1 invited Friend 2 to a dinner weeks in advance and didn't follow up with any details. Friend 2 assumed that the person had just invited them out of politeness and didn't really want them to come because they never mentioned it again. Friend 1 later told me that Friend 2 didn't end up coming to the dinner even though they had invited them. I was just like, SMH, this could have been avoided with proper communication!!

3. Telling someone saying "we need to hang out!" and not meaning it.
I am convinced that this is a line people use solely to make conversation. Which is fine if you and the person you are talking to are on the same level. But when you're not on the same level? It's just rude. Example: a girl told me we needed to hang out. So I reached out later asking about it and she made an excuse which basically was equivalent to, "I don't want to hang out with you." We haven't really spoken since then. Y'all, just don't mention it if you don't mean it.

4. Gossiping.
I'm not going to pretend that I'm not guilty of this because I totally am. It's hard not to gossip and I know it's a big part of conversation, especially with girls. I understand venting. Sometimes people make you mad and you have to vent to someone! It is therapeutic. But it could potentially get messy. Sometimes you have to put yourself in someone else's shoes and think, "would I like to be talked about this way?" And you also don't want to be known as that person who is known for gossiping and cannot be trusted.

5. Not including someone in a conversation.
Have you ever gone somewhere and felt left out or completely out-of-place? 🙋 Me at church, Bible studies, parties, weddings, etc. I cannot express how awful it feels, especially when it's with people you are kinda acquainted with? Like there's no excuse to leave someone out. It is so uncomfortable, even as an extrovert myself who loves talking to people! All I can say is thank God for technology because now I can entertain myself on my phone instead of awkwardly standing in a corner waiting to leave or hanging around my family. If you don't see me at certain places anymore, this is the number one reason why.

6. Being excluded from a conversation within a group of people.
I know this is kind of confusing, but basically what I'm referring to is when you are with a group of people having a conversation and they start talking about something that only they know about, completely exclude you out of it, and do not catch you up on it. Or they are talking about something that they do not want you to know about and start acting weird about it, but still continue to talk about it in front of you. Then why bring it up in conversation in the first place?! Talk about it somewhere else.

7. Not saying thank you.
I'm not talking about on social media where one hundred people write on someone's Facebook wall for their birthday and you don't get a thank you. I am talking about those birthday/congratulatory messages you send someone and getting left on read. Or giving someone a thoughtful gift and never receiving any kind of acknowledgement. News flash: it's not polite and actually quite rude. One of the first things we learn (or supposed to learn) as children is manners and one of the basic manners we learn is to say thank you??

8. Being late without an excuse.
I know people run late; things happen. I also know that some people think it's cute or trendy to be late for dates and events. But it's actually really rude and inconsiderate of other people's time, especially when you don't apologize and give a legitimate excuse! I know it's hard to be on time, but to someone else, it might look like you don't care.

9. Downplaying other people's achievements.
Everyone has different aspirations in life. Some people want to grow up and be an engineer. Someone might want to be a teacher. Someone wants to be a nurse. Some people don't want to live a lavish lifestyle, and some people do. It's their life and their happiness. But if you have to make other people feel bad about their accomplishments to make yourself feel better about yourself, reexamine yourself and see what you need to change in your life rather than making someone else feel bad about theirs.

10. Letting jealously control your actions.
This kind of goes hand in hand with downplaying other people's achievements because most of the time, jealousy plays a big part in that. Life isn't perfect, and someone will probably have something you don't have; a significant other, a better job, more money, better grades, a nice body, intelligence, etc. Or you might be on snapchat or instagram and see everyone you know at an event you couldn't go for or weren't invited to. Some things warrant a response, but most of the time, it doesn't. Trying to ruin someone's life, relationship, or really anything just because you're jealous doesn't make anyone look worse except you.

11. Making plans and canceling last minute for no reason.
Things come up. Plans change. But when you make plans with someone and cancel last minute, especially when it's last minute for something pointless or something they could have easily said no to from the beginning, it is beyond frustrating and annoying. I have a mental list of people that I know I cannot rely on to make plans with because there is always 50-90% chance that they will cancel or change their mind. I know I said earlier that not inviting people to certain events is rude, but this is one of those times where an exception sometimes needs to be made, lol. Like don't make plans if there is a high probability you will cancel! Or you know how most invites online are "yes" "no" or "maybe"?? Choose the maybe card.

12. Using people then ghosting.
It really depends on the situation, but I'm talking about those times where someone wants something from you or needs you for something, you give them what they want, and then they completely ghost you. Or if you reciprocate and ask for something, they ignore you or come up with a stupid excuse. Or they've just been a bad friend in general, but then they hit you up randomly being unusually nice asking for a favor, then ghosting and going back to being a bad friend. This happened to me all the time in college. Someone would ask me for something and I would give it to them. Then later on, I might ask for something and they would ignore me or come up with an excuse. I have trust issues now.

13. Not telling someone you're in town.
This also has a lot of exceptions because I know people visit places with a sole purpose and don't have time to hang out. Myself included. I have made trips to some cities, but never have time to meet up with everyone I know there, so there is literally no point in trying to hang out with people because it's not gonna happen. But sometimes when a friend doesn't tell you that they are in town, it shows how much they value the friendship. Like even a text saying, "Hey, I don't know if we'll have time to meet up, but just wanted you to know I'm in town for the weekend" is better than nothing! I have learned this way that a lot of people don't value the friendship the same way I do, which is sad, but also a good way to distance myself from people I don't need in my life anymore.

This all being said, there is really one way we can all quit doing these mean things...

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

Like y'all, all we have to do is think a little bit before we do something. Would I like if someone did this to me? Would I like if someone treated me this way? I've been trying (keyword trying) to put myself in other people's shoes and ask myself whether or not I would appreciate being treated this way. As this year is quickly coming to an end, now is a good time to start thinking about how we can improve and become better people in the new year.

Read my last post regarding being nice vs. good: A Nice Person vs. A Good Person
Check out my last post: I Don't Know Fashion: Fall Florals